Sunday, January 24, 2010

A Time of Looking Back



Tonight my mind is wondering back to the past.  As I set here I still feel some of the wounds from past scraps.  You know the ones I am talking about where you think life is over you have failed and there is no turning back.  Where in that brief moment of your marriage the word DIVORCE has dared come into your vocabulary placed there so neatly by yourself, your spouse, a relative, or even some well meaning christian friend.  Now before I go any further I want to make it clear I have learned that there are times when separation or even divorce is necessary for the safety of that spouse or his/her children.  However that is not a license to go out and get remarried.  Oh no my friend when you made those vows, you remember the ones no one can seem to remember "For better or for worse, In sickness and in wealth, Till death we do part."  well there is more to the vow "Love, Honor, and Obey."  The Lord expects you to honor those vows yes even when you are separated.  Ecclesiastes 5:4 says "When thou vowest a vow unto God, defer not to pay it; for he hath no pleasure in fools: pay that which thou hast vowed.  Better is it that thou shouldest not vow, than that thou shouldest vow and not pay.  Suffer not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin; neither say thou before the angel, that it was an error: wherefore should God be angry at thy voice, and destroy the work of thine hands?  For in the multitude of dreams and many words there are also divers vanities: but fear thou God."   Anyway I said all that to say in looking back I am so glad that I did not walk away.  While I was never abused by my husband nor has he ever abused our children, we still had problems as in every marriage.  I look back at them now and see them for what they really were, the testing and growing of a marriage that God was trying to transform and grow  this young christian.  It was a time when God took alot of things away from me that I wanted so badly.  Teaching was my passion and though I taught my children it was not enough or so I thought.  It was a time when I thought I had to do something to help myself get saved.  Well God took everything away all the teaching in church the positions I thought were mine.  I was trying to lead my home in the way it should go.  Well needless to say GOD brought me to my knees finally and showed me I KIMBERLY MAE OLINGER WAS WRONG.  Wrong in so many ways.  I realize now the lessons God has brought me through I can look back now these last two years of our marriage and I can finally see growth and more love than one should have for any man.  I can honestly look at my husband and say I trust him.  Will my husband fail?  Absolutely.  Will he make the wrong decisions?   I know he will.  Am I still to obey this fallen creature?  Yep and I am finding the song so true.  "Trust and Obey for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus than to Trust and Obey"  I am trusting God and praying for this man He has so graciously gave me.  I will obey, because in the end my husband will give the account.  I will give an account on if I obeyed and prayed.